A survey done by Wakefield Research at the end of August revealed that 51% of Americans believe that bad weather can have adverse effects on the Cloud. The tech savvy will get a chuckle out of this in the same way they do the phrase “there are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary code and those who don’t.” Under normal circumstances, I would also laugh and feel sorry for those 51% and start a whole conversation of 1337-speak banter against them, but as I compare my knowledge of web hosting and development against what is out there, I can’t help but feel that my technical expertise ranks on the same level as those who believe that a CD-ROM drive is simply an electronic, self-retracting cup holder.
We (well...me) are the 51%. Sure, the statement is not quite as impactful as those “Occupy (insert town with local news coverage here)” protests, but someone should speak for the primitive majority whom technology has left in the dust. Since the dawn of time have we always been subjected to “the next best thing” before the “current best thing” got a decent shot at being “the actual best thing.”
In the beginning, there was walking, but then some jerk decided to run. As soon as running took off, those losers were upstaged by a bicycle. As the masses scrounged up money for their two and three-wheeled contraptions, they were one-upped by a car and not but 15 years after that got off the ground, a pair of asshole brothers literally got off the ground and made an airplane. There are no small steps for tech, they are giant leaps for tech-kind (which reminds me, right after the airplane hit it big, we started building rockets…).
Fellow friends of the 51, I would like to be a beacon of hope, but it seems as though we are doomed. I would like to say rise up and spread the word about the injustice of innovation, but let’s face it…the iPhone 2 isn’t 4G, nobody checks our mySpace anymore and as for that GeoCities community? Yeah…they sent out an e-mail about that but we couldn’t really see those from our bitchin’ Caller ID.
I’d like to suggest that the speed at which we’ve created and “upgraded” in the last decade was the answer to Microsoft buying up all those companies that crowded their turf with “the next best thing,” which Apple has responded to by just suing everyone saying they did it first (because nobody ever thought of a rounded rectangle with a screen and buttons before…sorry GameBoy). I regret complaining in the past that it was BS to buy a computer that would be outdated in a year or two! I miss those days now as my new toys are practically “antiques” by the time I get them out of the damn box!
As I officially begin month 2 of my tenure here at GearHost, I can’t help but already feel in a state of obsolescence. Just as I hit the ground running understanding our platform and culture and cloud hosting in general, GearHost pulled out a jetpack and wrote in the sky things like “Version 3,” “24/7 support,” “new…er hires,” and “Eat at Joes!” (What skywriting job would be complete without “Eat at Joes”?) Sometimes I just want to scream “SLOOOOWWWW DOOOOWWWWN!!!!” though at some point I must embrace that constant forward progress isn’t a bad thing (unless facing a cliff).
But seriously…please, on behalf of the 51%, the primitive majority, slow down world. I buy a new laptop…then Windows 8 comes out. I get a kick ass TV that’s all 3D ready…then TVs say “3D is stupid, here’s 4K!” I start up a FarmVille, they immediately put out CityVille (sometimes they really just slap you in the face…). I’m afraid that soon our CEO will come out of his office and say “we’ve changed from ‘Cloud Hosting’ to ‘Moon Hosting’” to which I will simply reply “so what happens to our service during a low tide? And why did the toilet paper in the bathroom get replaced with three seashells? And is that robot dog and robot cat living together in peace and harmony?” You know what? Forget it. I’m going to my room and reading my Kindle.
…Wait. You mean there are tablets now? Oh, come on!!
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